First, the facts: You don't know Britney, I don't know Britney, but SOMEONE knows Britney and that person was instrumental in making sure Britney Spears was being protected and that the one person Britney needed protection from was herself.
Sadly, because Britney looks and acts normal enough in public, fans and media alike have jumped to the tragic conclusion that Britney is somehow endangered by her own conservatorship and that her parents are "the bad guys" in all of this.
Consider this: If you were in charge of keeping Britney safe from herself, what would you do?
That's right, you'd KEEP HER BUSY, which Britney, in turn, sees as her own family working her too hard. Does that sound like something an immature child might say? Yes, it does, yet, when Britney says it, it must be THE GOSPEL.
So quickly we forget the pre-conservatorship Britney Spears who shaved her head in public and, time and time again, hopped in bed with one Armenian bad boy after another (let's just say she has a type, okay?) and then, with all the money and power in the world to prove herself sane and functional, was, instead, placed under the protection of a conservatorship.
Do any of you "Free Britney" folks know how mentally incapable of even wiping her own ass Britney had to be at the time in order to be placed under such care?
Keep in mind that conservatorships are usually for those adults who are too mentally-handicapped to survive in the outside world; either because they lack the intelligence/social skills to function at that level, or are too trusting and gullible to be left among strangers unattended.
Case in point: A few years ago, I was at a local coffee shop sipping a latte when a beautiful woman approached me and said, "I like your t-shirt!"
Now, I don't know about the rest of you men reading this, but I can count on one finger the number of times a (sober) woman this attractive has approached me in public, so my bullshit detector was quietly pinging as I glanced downward to remind myself what t-shirt I'd even put on this morning.
Realizing that the woman had seen my Birthday Massacre t-shirt, I asked if she too was a fan of the band?
"I like rabbits," she replied.
Then, with child-like enthusiasm, she pulled a tie-dye bunny out of her handbag and showed it off proudly whilst telling me about the many other stuffed rabbits in her collection before excusing herself to use the restroom.
A few seconds later, another woman approached me (whoa, two in one day, better buy a lottery ticket) and thanked me for being so polite to her sister, who, she revealed, was mentally-handicapped.
Well, shit, so much for asking her out then, I thought.
Naturally, my bald buddy Tom almost spit out his coffee at this revelation, but, once back to our car and off to our next destination, we couldn't help but discuss what had just transpired.
No, we weren't making fun of her.
What struck us both was just how "normal" she seemed to be in conversation and, if not for her heightened sense of enthusiasm and the slightly odd subject matter, you would have NO IDEA that you were conversing with someone who was still essentially a child.
We imagined the many "adult situations" a woman this attractive could find herself in without her family there to protect her.
This immediately reminded me of the time I had been backstage at a Britney Spears concert in Las Vegas when the star and her entourage of about thirty people left the dressing room area and began making their way to the stage.
Amidst the flash bulbs and questions from the press, which Britney ignored, someone in the crowd yelled "You look amazing, Britney!" and, much to everyone's surprise, Britney immediately stopped, turned in the fan's direction and smiled as if it was the first compliment she'd ever received in her entire life.
Either Adult Britney's self-esteem was so fragile that she'd risk a thirty-person pile-up on the way to the stage to say thanks or Adult-Child Britney, who'd been taught to ignore reporter questions and photog flash bulbs, reacted as any child would to being told they looked nice.
If Britney is, in fact, mentally unable to function at an adult level without proper supervision and public outcry succeeds in painting the people who protect her as "the bad guys", ultimately freeing her from the conservatorship, which one of you "Free Britney" sheep will accept responsibility when Britney's life flies off the rails in a few months?
What will you say when she's dead within a year of gaining her freedom?
Let's all meet back here in twelve months and see where everybody stands and hope that Britney, herself, is still among us.